Fucking Albert Chung.

Brace yourself, my friends, for you are about to be informed.

The following information you are about to receive is facts. True facts. Not your standard, typical everyday nonfactual factoids. (I will like to remind you that nonfactual factoids are completely different that lies; lies are not facts.)

Most people are unaware of this unusual phenomenon, known as "wall people." Wall people are people, who (and stay with me here)... live in walls. It's a tough concept to grasp, I know.

Now, some of you may be aware of the wall people's existence in this world, but you don't know all the facts... the true facts...

Eleven True Facts Everyone Should Know About Wall People

1.) Wall people want to kill you. They don't take to kindly to adults... at all. They want you dead, like... super hardcore.

2.) Wall people love children. They have the tendency to kidnap small children, tie their hands and feet together, store them beneath the floor boards, feed the child rats, and then while the child is in captivity, they try killing the child's loved ones (this means you!) ...wall people missed the lesson on how to appropriately express fondness and affection.

3.) Wall people come out from the walls at night, usually from hidden doors in the closet.

4.) Wall people are masters of disguise. They often make people think they are dogs. They are not dogs, but they will lick your hand.

5.) Wall people are probably going to kill your dog and brother-in-law. It's just what they do.

6.) Putting salt on the floor does not stop the wall people from attacking you, however it does momentarily confuse them.

7.) Wall people have built-in night vision.

8.) Wall people do not understand the English language well enough to speak it (so they communicate in crazy, jungle-people noises), however, they miraculously know how to write and spell. Did I mention they have excellent penmanship? It's a wall people thing.

9.) Wall people somehow managed to be amazing knife fighters. They are so good at it that a 17-year-old wall girl can take down a 30-year-old man, who has been frequently using a knife for his 70 years of existence (everything about that sentence makes sense; you're just too stupid to understand.)

10.) Wall people are kleptomaniacs.

11.) Wall people are the result of inbreeding. Don't fuck your sister, my dear children.

***

You have been informed! Use this information to your advantage.

So Long N Good Night,

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