It's A Cockamouse And It's The Size Of A Potato.

“Since you been gone, I can breath for the first time…” That’s going to be stuck in my head all day. Hello, Mr. Snooze button! Shall I hit thee thrice? Nay, perhaps another day. Muffins are awesome. Oh my god, I missed you…wait never mind. To straighten or not to straighten? I’ll go both ways. What is that Calculus book doing there? Oh my god, that dogs retarded. Jacket season! I would be so upset if I gave my dad a stroke, but god do I love ghosts. British accents are the best. You do the work; I have no fucking idea what’s going on. Private lessons? For me? You shouldn’t have. I swear to God, you’re like his doppelganger. It is kind of a disruption to my learning. It’s called a razor; use it. I’d hit that. Maybe if I looked super pissed, he’d avoid me. Mission accomplished. I don’t understand 3.5! It makes no sense! You definitely don’t match today! That is unacceptable terminology for a penis! Taco! I can think of several reasons why this whole situation is ironic, and frankly it makes me sick. Hello Mr. Math Teacher, I don’t mean to give you the wrong idea, but every time I see you I kind of want to rip off my clothes. Did that come out wrong? What I was trying to say is that I’d really like to have sex with you. Everyone thinks you’re pretty intelligent; you’re really not. She looks like she should go to Europe. Happy Birthday! Oh my God, cupcakes! Woo! You’re not a bad ass if you dye your hair with temporary colored spray, asshole. I got my locker combo down so good! I feel like such a big kid at this moment. Thank god, she doesn’t have her book. Reagan! Viva la Reagan! The Compromise of 1850 took place in 1850. That was definitely not one of my more proud moments. You're kinda cute. Oh god, what are you going to make us do? I hate the Jonas Brothers! I love Sponge Bob! May I recommend that you stow your balls securely in an overhead compartments; it’s going to be a bumpy ride. Spoiler alert: she keeps a mighty tight leash. Wait…it’s more fun to watch the forest burn down than to stop it when it poses no threat. I’m so glad that I didn’t get stuck with retards. Grand Theft Auto: Civil War style? I hate giving out my number to people. That’s a weird area code. Chuck is cool, but Clint dominates all. Why do I even bother talking? Thank you for ignoring me, bitch. Expensive t-shirts! Back scratching orgy? I won’t even ask. You did what in where? That band isn’t even that good. Patty cake? Don’t mind if I do! Stop ignoring me! Car ride! It isn’t necessary for you all to talk to me like I’m a person. I got the message a long time ago. It will never happen. I wouldn’t touch that with a ten-foot pole. Look at me getting into this car. This song blows. I think I'm going to run! Multi-tasker of the year award: reading, running, and listening to music. High five. You’re friend sounds amazing, Mr. Asshole. My legs hurt. Shut up. Hey guys. Time to reward myself. I know all of these cans contain the same amount of liquid, but I like being picky sometimes. Mountain Dew is so good. I do declare that this is so delightfully chilly that it nearly burns the throat. Take a bow, Mr. Most Refreshing Beverage Ever. Homework? More like play now work later! Fail the test. I don’t give a fuck! I would do that guy. I would do him so much and so hard…he’s so amazing…wait, better keep the thoughts rated PG around the family. I’m sure the major personality clashes won’t affect you at all…you know so little. He is going to be so mad. Shit! I spelt rowdy wrong. Rowdy? Seriously, how did I not get that wrong? That’s like spelling orange like basjfkt. That may definitely cost me. Do I seem upset? I am really not. To be completely honest, I’ve always liked you best. Back hurts. Blog! Blog! Blogggg!

And that, my friends, is the daily mind process of a genius.

Good-bye,

Sidewinder

You're Like Some Type Of Cock-Blocking Robot Developed In Some Secret Fucking Government Lab.

P-a-r-t-y? 'Cause I gotta.

This Weekend. Saturday. Party. My House. Hell yes.

Starts at: 8:30 P.M.

Ends at: ???? (except you need to be gone when the clock strikes midnight, because that's when my parents come home.)

It's going to be a riot. I finished my homework, so I have plenty of time (for you, that is). I got a six-pack of near beer in the fridge that's screaming our names. In addition to that, my mom went grocery shopping a few days ago, so there is no shortage in the delicious snacks category. But we can't enjoy our beverages and snacks outside of the kitchen. The couches are leather and our carpets just got cleaned.

And once we are finished with that maybe we can turn the "wild n crazy" knob up a notch and watch a PG-13 motion picture. Normally (being the bad ass MC, that you know I am) I would dive straight into a Rated R feature, but I still can't figure out the password to the parental lock yet.

I also made a few conversation cards, so you know things won't get dull. Speaking of which: where do you stand on H1N1 vaccinations? Oh, yeahhh.

I'll make a point to pull out the games from the hallway closet. Parcheesi anyone? Perhaps Trivial Pursuit? Or maybe even Scrabble? Though I feel obligated to warn you, I'm quite the Scrabble champion. But who knows, maybe I'll let you use proper nouns, acronyms, and abbreviations. Oh, our mothers would not approve of this. But don't you fret about the 'rents. Craig and Deborah have made prior engagements.

I know we've only known each other for two and a half years, but how do you feel about letting out your wild child and... holding hands? Just to clarify myself, I was talking about my hands. Don't worry; they're clean. You're reputation won't be tarnished. My lips are sealed like an envelope. And the only one home is my bro. But it's cool, he won't snitch. Bird of the feather flock together, I always say.

Be there or be square, silly goose. Thinking of you forever and always. Just kidding...I think. Please come. Don't let me down. I'm not pressuring you. Can't wait to see you tonight, if you come. It'll be so much fun... you know, if you come. If you don't come, it's okay. I understand and will respect you, regardless of your decision. It's not like I'll cry or anything, because I definitely don't do that anymore. I have other friends. You're not my only love interest, don't flatter yourself. It's not like I've been writing our names together since the 2nd grade or anything. But seriously, you should come. It won't be the same without you... not like I'm pressuring you or anything. But if you don't come, I might kill myself. Haha. Just kidding. I'm not suicidal. Or am I? Haha, that was another joke again. I'm so lonely. I mean, I have so many friends. You're not the only one that I invited. Okay, so...you're really pretty. XOXO.

Sidewinder

I'll Have A Margarita. Well Hey There Ms. Money Pussy, Wanna Jump On My Jet Pack?

Hello, my darling. You look lovely in that evening gown. Is that a Russian accent I detect? How would you like to come back to my room? We can sip fine wine and make love by the fire. I have wit, charm, and I’m devilishly handsome. I know you get yourself into some risky business, but don’t be alarmed. You’re safe with me. I got a license to kill, and if anyone messes with you, I’ll blow their brains away with my Walter PPK. Let’s drive away in my Aston Martin, and cruise throughout Britain. You’ll love it there.

Let’s stop games--we both know that neither of us our the person we claim to be. You’re using me for information, and MI6 and I have known that all along. We know everything about you. You see me as nothing more than business, or at least you use to. In the end, you’ll switch sides. You’ll be seduced by my irresistible charm.

Remember that night in the casino, my love? I pretended that you were the most interesting girl in the room, but darling, you’re just another girl in another city. There’s been plenty before you and there will most certainly be plenty after you. But you know that, don’t you? Tell me, darling, does the danger turn you on?

And that's all I have to say about that.

Sidewinder

Homecoming Friday

Although the school spirit of this day makes me sick beyond all belief. It's going well. I just got a snickers for being "creative". LIKA BOSS!

I just lied to this white kid's face that he did a good job rapping at the assembly. I almost lost it.
Sidewinder and I blocked out the sounds of the cheerleaders and "urban dancers" with MASS amounts of MCR.
I must say watching a pep rally while listening to "Teenagers" and "I'm Not Okay" can really make a day special. I basically came. A lot.

Then i basically BONED this hotbod in the taco line but found out he was a sophomore. I was dissappointed to say the least. Fuck em.

p.s. There's a garfield poster above this computer that says "I'm not over weight I'm under tall"
This is spectacular.

Classes are being cut short for a parade at the end of the day. I refuse to go. You can't make me. I'd rather die getting over that chain link fence then watch a homecoming parade. kthx.

I HAS GUMMM!!!

kbai

B.M.