You're Like Some Type Of Cock-Blocking Robot Developed In Some Secret Fucking Government Lab.

P-a-r-t-y? 'Cause I gotta.

This Weekend. Saturday. Party. My House. Hell yes.

Starts at: 8:30 P.M.

Ends at: ???? (except you need to be gone when the clock strikes midnight, because that's when my parents come home.)

It's going to be a riot. I finished my homework, so I have plenty of time (for you, that is). I got a six-pack of near beer in the fridge that's screaming our names. In addition to that, my mom went grocery shopping a few days ago, so there is no shortage in the delicious snacks category. But we can't enjoy our beverages and snacks outside of the kitchen. The couches are leather and our carpets just got cleaned.

And once we are finished with that maybe we can turn the "wild n crazy" knob up a notch and watch a PG-13 motion picture. Normally (being the bad ass MC, that you know I am) I would dive straight into a Rated R feature, but I still can't figure out the password to the parental lock yet.

I also made a few conversation cards, so you know things won't get dull. Speaking of which: where do you stand on H1N1 vaccinations? Oh, yeahhh.

I'll make a point to pull out the games from the hallway closet. Parcheesi anyone? Perhaps Trivial Pursuit? Or maybe even Scrabble? Though I feel obligated to warn you, I'm quite the Scrabble champion. But who knows, maybe I'll let you use proper nouns, acronyms, and abbreviations. Oh, our mothers would not approve of this. But don't you fret about the 'rents. Craig and Deborah have made prior engagements.

I know we've only known each other for two and a half years, but how do you feel about letting out your wild child and... holding hands? Just to clarify myself, I was talking about my hands. Don't worry; they're clean. You're reputation won't be tarnished. My lips are sealed like an envelope. And the only one home is my bro. But it's cool, he won't snitch. Bird of the feather flock together, I always say.

Be there or be square, silly goose. Thinking of you forever and always. Just kidding...I think. Please come. Don't let me down. I'm not pressuring you. Can't wait to see you tonight, if you come. It'll be so much fun... you know, if you come. If you don't come, it's okay. I understand and will respect you, regardless of your decision. It's not like I'll cry or anything, because I definitely don't do that anymore. I have other friends. You're not my only love interest, don't flatter yourself. It's not like I've been writing our names together since the 2nd grade or anything. But seriously, you should come. It won't be the same without you... not like I'm pressuring you or anything. But if you don't come, I might kill myself. Haha. Just kidding. I'm not suicidal. Or am I? Haha, that was another joke again. I'm so lonely. I mean, I have so many friends. You're not the only one that I invited. Okay, so...you're really pretty. XOXO.

Sidewinder

I'll Have A Margarita. Well Hey There Ms. Money Pussy, Wanna Jump On My Jet Pack?

Hello, my darling. You look lovely in that evening gown. Is that a Russian accent I detect? How would you like to come back to my room? We can sip fine wine and make love by the fire. I have wit, charm, and I’m devilishly handsome. I know you get yourself into some risky business, but don’t be alarmed. You’re safe with me. I got a license to kill, and if anyone messes with you, I’ll blow their brains away with my Walter PPK. Let’s drive away in my Aston Martin, and cruise throughout Britain. You’ll love it there.

Let’s stop games--we both know that neither of us our the person we claim to be. You’re using me for information, and MI6 and I have known that all along. We know everything about you. You see me as nothing more than business, or at least you use to. In the end, you’ll switch sides. You’ll be seduced by my irresistible charm.

Remember that night in the casino, my love? I pretended that you were the most interesting girl in the room, but darling, you’re just another girl in another city. There’s been plenty before you and there will most certainly be plenty after you. But you know that, don’t you? Tell me, darling, does the danger turn you on?

And that's all I have to say about that.

Sidewinder

Homecoming Friday

Although the school spirit of this day makes me sick beyond all belief. It's going well. I just got a snickers for being "creative". LIKA BOSS!

I just lied to this white kid's face that he did a good job rapping at the assembly. I almost lost it.
Sidewinder and I blocked out the sounds of the cheerleaders and "urban dancers" with MASS amounts of MCR.
I must say watching a pep rally while listening to "Teenagers" and "I'm Not Okay" can really make a day special. I basically came. A lot.

Then i basically BONED this hotbod in the taco line but found out he was a sophomore. I was dissappointed to say the least. Fuck em.

p.s. There's a garfield poster above this computer that says "I'm not over weight I'm under tall"
This is spectacular.

Classes are being cut short for a parade at the end of the day. I refuse to go. You can't make me. I'd rather die getting over that chain link fence then watch a homecoming parade. kthx.

I HAS GUMMM!!!

kbai

B.M.

BOXER BREIFS!!!!

I'm in the library once again.
I just came.

So there's this kid in my class we'll call him Carl.
I can't decide whether he's gay or not and to be honest, it's upsetting.
Fuck anatomy sooo much.

I'm terrified.
Fuck the chick who took my normal seat. bitch.

"Imma work at KFC!"

I'm in school right now.

[Insert antonio banderas here.]

There's a girl near me..let's call her Stacy.
kShe has a permanent stink eye face and she's making our power point in pink sparkles.
Needless to say, I am upset.
There's also some douche named David.
I hate em.
And I hope he reads this.
jk?
Let's talk about another girl.
We'll call her Chantey.
She has the worsr orange tan I have ever had the displeasure of laying eyes on.
I hope she dies tonight.
One chick...."lemongello" stares at me for two classes like im a monster. It makes me laugh.
Bobby asked me if I was a vampire yesterday.
I hissed at him.
I don not understand people'es attraction to my teacher nobody EVER beats the couple in the math department.
NEVER EVER.
If Victoria says one more think about dying chicks I'm killing them in front of her.
I went to a sleepover when I was an itty bitty with a few of these girls.
Most of them cried.
I laughed.

To be continued.

Fucking Albert Chung.

Brace yourself, my friends, for you are about to be informed.

The following information you are about to receive is facts. True facts. Not your standard, typical everyday nonfactual factoids. (I will like to remind you that nonfactual factoids are completely different that lies; lies are not facts.)

Most people are unaware of this unusual phenomenon, known as "wall people." Wall people are people, who (and stay with me here)... live in walls. It's a tough concept to grasp, I know.

Now, some of you may be aware of the wall people's existence in this world, but you don't know all the facts... the true facts...

Eleven True Facts Everyone Should Know About Wall People

1.) Wall people want to kill you. They don't take to kindly to adults... at all. They want you dead, like... super hardcore.

2.) Wall people love children. They have the tendency to kidnap small children, tie their hands and feet together, store them beneath the floor boards, feed the child rats, and then while the child is in captivity, they try killing the child's loved ones (this means you!) ...wall people missed the lesson on how to appropriately express fondness and affection.

3.) Wall people come out from the walls at night, usually from hidden doors in the closet.

4.) Wall people are masters of disguise. They often make people think they are dogs. They are not dogs, but they will lick your hand.

5.) Wall people are probably going to kill your dog and brother-in-law. It's just what they do.

6.) Putting salt on the floor does not stop the wall people from attacking you, however it does momentarily confuse them.

7.) Wall people have built-in night vision.

8.) Wall people do not understand the English language well enough to speak it (so they communicate in crazy, jungle-people noises), however, they miraculously know how to write and spell. Did I mention they have excellent penmanship? It's a wall people thing.

9.) Wall people somehow managed to be amazing knife fighters. They are so good at it that a 17-year-old wall girl can take down a 30-year-old man, who has been frequently using a knife for his 70 years of existence (everything about that sentence makes sense; you're just too stupid to understand.)

10.) Wall people are kleptomaniacs.

11.) Wall people are the result of inbreeding. Don't fuck your sister, my dear children.

***

You have been informed! Use this information to your advantage.

So Long N Good Night,

Sidewider

Inspiration: A divine influence directly and immediately exerted upon the mind or soul.

I find myself asking, how much inspiration does it take for one to get off their ass and work towards their goals?
Too much is the answer to that question.

You would think if you have had life long dreams it wouldn't be so hard to put forth just enough effort to make even the slightest bit of progress.

Does it all click one day? Does it take something to push you off the edge of your boring reality and say "wake up! what are you doing with your life?" in order to even consider going for what really matters most?

Or is it that you're surrounded by people filled with doubt and dissapointment concerning the choices you have to make in your life?

There are a countless amount of people just sitting around waiting for something better.

Well you know what?
I don't want to be one of them.

-B.M.